Battle On

I signed up to be a columnist this year on a whim. My primary job has always been to illustrate the opinion articles, but I figured I would give writing them shot. With columnist topics about politics, pop culture, fashion, technology, California, marijuana, sex, parties and whatever it is Zach Phillips writes each week, I figured there wasn’t much left for me to cover.

That’s why I was all the more surprised at finding a niche by writing about my perspective on the campus. Looking back at the year I can honestly say I’m pleased with how things have gone with my column. I’ve written about phony activists, over-reactionary “town hall” meetings, exploits in the academic grading system and the inept student government. But I’ve also written on serious issues like crashing campus events, the annual power outages and gaming tournaments that finally get those shut in gamers out of their rooms.

So what exactly have I taken from my experiences? First of all, it’s easy to become jaded about our surroundings. Let me go back to student activists. It isn’t so much the causes they represent or their effectiveness in “raising awareness,” it’s that there are just so many things that we as students need to -or more appropriately should - care about. If it isn’t a hunger strike, it’s a rally from Cheadle Hall to Storke Plaza, or a sit-in at the Pardall tunnel, or a festival in Isla Vista or some dumbass recruiter that steps in the path of a moving skateboard in order to hand out a flyer. I’ve met my fair share of confrontational protesters and spineless schemers. Both are equally irritating in their attempts to convince you that their views are correct and disagreeing makes you a horrible person. This saturation of causes and annoying activists contributes to student apathy. I’ve personally stopped caring because I’ve come across enough activists that complain how the Nexus doesn’t properly acknowledge their “accomplishments.” It’s gotten to a point where I can no longer get any more jaded and instead laugh at these futile attempts to change the world. You know how I can tell your hunger strike isn’t working? The Weatherhuman makes fun of your weight and I can see the validity of that insult.

When it all comes down to it, everybody wants to make a change and be remembered for something. We need to have our existence validated by somehow making a difference. But there lies another problem. What many of us do during our time here won’t have that much of an effect on anyone else. Even if it does, in five years, neither you nor your actions will be remembered. It doesn’t matter if you’re a misguided freshman or a 28-year-old transfer student.

The next thing I learned is that there are just so many things happening in the Santa Barbara area at any given moment. If one were to take into account all the Nexus news reports, opinion articles, sports stories and Artsweek reviews, they still only manage to cover a portion of events that occur every day. Just take a look at the campus calendar at the university’s website and you’ll know what I’m talking about.

It’s this particular lesson that I hope all of you took away from my column. As much as I ragged on about particular topics over the year, UCSB has time and again proven to be one of the most exciting places I have ever lived. Pirate, Professor Brannigan, Kip Fulbeck Smitty and Hookah Mike are just a small sampling of the interesting personalities you’ll find around here. I’ve attended and participated in events like Anacruzapalooza, Reel Loud, the GŸnther concert, Fifty Club and Nexus/A.S. Beerlympics. The best part is that some of the most interesting people and events I’ve come across have happened seemingly at random. The point being that you’d be hard pressed to ever find yourself bored on the couch.

How much time do you dedicate to class, work, activism, sports and leisure? It’s ultimately up to you to make that choice. Just make sure you don’t have any regrets when it’s time to finally leave for the real world. It comes at you faster than you think - and I’ve been here for five years.

Daily Nexus columnist Mark Batalla highly recommends the five-year plan for everyone.

And here's the art from my successor, Simon Estrada:

As much as I’ve been raving how great the movie season has been this year, sometimes it’s nice to take a break from the epic sensory overloads many of us have been experiencing at the theaters. UCSB’s 16th Annual Reel Loud Film Festival offers just that breath of fresh air, while at the same time honoring Santa Barbara’s rich film history during the Silent Era. Reel Loud films are shot silently on 16mm and come with an accompanying live act. Yet after four years, being a mere spectator to this unique event wasn’t enough for me.

Still fresh from last quarter’s completion of “The Titan Sting” for Film Studies 106, I felt like branching out and tackling an animated short of my own for Reel Loud. The guidelines were straightforward. No sound, no need to use a technologically complicated camera and no going over the six minute and 30 second time limit. It sounded easy enough, at least to the uninitiated, like myself.

Working on a Reel Loud film felt like a complete U-turn from any of the other productions I’ve been involved with. It wasn’t necessarily the difficulty but rather the alien nature of not knowing what I was doing. Tackling a Reel Loud takes a tremendous amount of initiative and guts. Unlike other film production classes I’ve been in, there was no professor hassling me to get my work done on time. Going the animation route meant I didn’t have to deal as much with casting or camera technique. Instead, it resulted in more work for me since I had to draw most of it.

I often questioned my sanity for even attempting to create a short, let alone with minimal crew. Luckily, I had help from a reliable group of people. My thanks go out to J, Simon, Evan and Dianne. Without them, the stress of production certainly would’ve gotten to me. For two straight weeks, it seemed like my life was nothing but a string of all-nighters. I could almost feel my body shutting down as my eyes strained, my nose bled, my voice gave out and my hand cramped.

Then came the time when I actually had to shoot the film and the realization that I had no idea what I was doing. It was the first time for many things. Up to that point, I didn’t know a single thing about picking out, shooting, processing and editing film. Each step was a nerve-wracking moment of not knowing the end result. It certainly didn’t help that I was alone for most of it, either in the vacuous, after-hours Nexus office or the cramped loft in Buchanan Hall.

On the day of the deadline, I submitted my film for consideration. Over two dozen were submitted, but only about half would be chosen for Reel Loud. The next day, I got the unfortunate news that my film didn’t make the cut. So ended my first attempt at Reel Loud.

Despite the bad news, it hasn’t done anything to deter me from creating more shorts. The experience of working on a Reel Loud has taught me to persevere through production, no matter how unsure or agonizing it is, and to learn from my mistakes. I’ve got even more respect for the films that were able to make it into the festival after experiencing firsthand the journey it takes to get there. For those films that didn’t make it into the festival, there are plans for all of them to be exhibited at a future date by the Film and Videomaker’s Co-op.

I would suggest visiting the Reel Loud website for more information on the event, but most computers I’ve tried to access it on have slowed down to the point of uselessness. The people that designed that gorgeous website need to consider function over flash for next year. Instead, I recommend checking out the Facebook group. Each year’s Reel Loud looks to be better than the year before, so make sure you don’t miss out on this great UCSB tradition.

Daily Nexus columnist Mark Batalla has a reel problem.

There will be town hall meetings next week on Wednesday and Thursday in the UCen’s Harbor Room to discuss a possible skateboarding ban on campus. So what possible crimes against humanity have occurred to influence the Associated Students Commission on Public Safety to even consider banning skateboards on campus?

One of the main complaints against skateboarders on campus is the danger they pose to others on UCSB’s busy walkways. That’s understandable for anyone who has witnessed a collision between a skater and a pedestrian. These accidents do tend to occur more often when more people are around. Despite how forceful these impacts appear, they typically don’t get any worse than scrapes or bruises. They certainly don’t compare to the twisted metal crashes that occur on the bike paths.

The person in any real danger is the skateboarder. Skaters are the ones in an unnatural position several inches off the ground. Any disruption to that equilibrium means trouble for the skater. Even skaters who are not performing dangerous tricks are at risk of getting injured. I was skating around the corner of the Arbor when I saw a fellow skater heading right for me. I immediately stopped and so did she. The two of us had zero momentum for a good second or so. Then she fell over backwards off her board. She should probably stick to walking.

The current regulations on skateboarding are reasonable enough. The university requires that skateboarding be done in permitted areas at a reasonable and safe speed. Skateboarders must yield to pedestrians and motor vehicles. Trick skating is not allowed. It is considered vandalism if done on campus property and comes with a fine.

To be honest, I don’t always follow the university’s rules. Even though it clearly says “no skateboarding” right on the ground of the Arts Building, I do it anyway. But it’s not like I blaze down the hallway at tremendous speed. I barely go faster than a power walker. The only exception is when I see someone jump in my skate path to hand me a flyer for whatever God-awful cause the person represents. Then I get a little sadistic and intentionally ram into that person from behind. I break the rules all the time. I just exercise discretion with each case.

But if you want to talk about reckless rule breaking, take a look at how the running team uses the bike path, or the bikes crisscrossing campus even during those peak times between classes. Skateboarders aren’t the problem. It’s the jerks and morons that aren’t mindful of the people around them. Not everyone can react accordingly to skaters winding their way through a crowd. These same people can be found on inline skates, scooters, Segways and zipping around on those ridiculous Heelys. Why single out skateboarders?

One can’t ignore the merits of skateboards as transportation. Skateboards are cheaper and more portable than bikes. Skateboards can even get to a destination faster since they aren’t limited to a path, able to go most anywhere that can be traversed by foot. Skateboarding is simplicity itself. Just kick, push, kick, push and coast.

It’s interesting to note that in 2005, plans for an Isla Vista skate park finally became reality. The Isla Vista Recreation and Park District gave the green light to the construction of an $800,000 dollar park. So far, funding for the project has been so successful that it’s estimated construction on the park will begin in 2008. Once the park is completed, it’s sure to attract even more skaters to the area. If the district is willing to accommodate skateboarders, then why shouldn’t the university?

I agree that there are legitimate concerns about skateboarding, but there’s no need to place blame on the inanimate object. People should be the focus. More informal panels addressing skateboarding concerns, stricter safety regulations or even assigned pathways are all better alternatives to a complete ban on skateboards. This matter of banning skateboards on campus definitely requires that more thought be put into it because it affects a significant amount of the student population. I encourage people to show up at next week’s town hall meeting to voice their opinion on the issue.

Daily Nexus columnist Mark Batalla can jump two homeless people, maybe three.

On Tuesday, I came back from one of the best single day excursions I’ve had in the San Fernando Valley to find that the power had gone out at UCSB. Again. Anyone that’s lived here for more than a year knows what I’m talking about. I’ve experienced more power outages in Santa Barbara than I did during those rolling blackout times during Gray Davis’ term as governor. While I initially found them annoying, my feelings have changed to amusement due to the circumstances that emerge from them. So let me tell you even more about what I like to call “the dark side of UCSB.”

The most interesting power outage I’ve experienced was during my first year. Probably because it was the first time I’ve been in such an unfamiliar situation. The dorms have backup generators that allow for dim lighting in the hallways. While many students went took advantage of the light to study for midterms, others, like my friends and I, used it as a chance to socialize and bond. We went to one of the lounges to find one of our floormates attempting to get a three way going with two other ladies. Seeing as the moment was ruined, he was a good enough sport to turn the situation into a round table session to exchange dirty stories. It felt like a gigantic deviant slumber party.

I thought that first power outage was an anomaly. However, I was proven wrong, as year after year, power would again go out on campus or in Isla Vista. All these incidents have shown that people do tend to overreact when the power goes out. No Internet or television can be a bit jarring, which goes to show how empty are lives are without electricity. Hell, there are even grown people with a fear of the dark. You also don’t come to appreciate how well lit the campus is until it’s not. I was doing some work at the office before Spring Break when all the power went out around Storke Plaza. It was not as bad as it could have been, though, for the fact that it was a new moon. I was trapped in pitch darkness. Good thing cell phones have become obnoxiously brighter over the years.

Yet none of the compares to pseudo-riot following last spring’s power outage. Even though it only lasted for a mere 20 minutes, residents on Sabado Tarde Road rushed out to the darkened streets to light up more than half a dozen couches and to shoot fireworks into the air.

Luckily, power is restored pretty fast around here. Most outages last around two hours in length. The shortest one I’ve experienced was 20 minutes long and the longest one, five hours. This week’s power outage falls within the typical length but occurred at an inopportune time. I certainly sympathize with those unlucky few stuck in the elevators. It’s bad enough being stuck in a cramped space with total strangers or even all by your lonesome for a couple seconds.

It’s not like these power outages are caused by the city’s electrical drainage. One outage was caused when a tree fell on some power lines. Construction workers who hit an underground pipe caused another. Ironically, those workers were part of the Electrical Infrastructure Renewal Project that was attempting to fix the outdated power system on campus.

I’m glad that I don’t find these power outages as annoying as I used to. I spend enough time at home and at work sitting in front of the computer. Even when I’m hanging out on a sunny day, I can’t help but think of what I need to be doing in front of a computer. It takes something like a lack of electricity to free me from the shackles of modern technology. Power outages are as much a staple of UCSB life as ineffective protesting. Don’t think of them so much as a nuisance, keeping you from your precious Facebook, but rather a chance to get outside, talk to your neighbors and enjoy the nature you came here for.

Daily Nexus columnist Mark Batalla once walked in on a game of “who’s in my mouf?” during a power outage.

Last Wednesday, Microsoft held a Halo 2 tournament at Corwin Pavilion. As a self-hating nerd, I’m inclined to ridicule all those players that attended. But rather than make fun of all the gamers, I want to praise the sponsors of the tournament. I welcome events that encourage gamers to get out of their rooms and into the outside world, even if it’s just a short walk to somewhere else on campus.

Similar to Jack Yi’s argument that electronic commerce is degenerating human contact, so too has the continued rise of online gaming. While there is nothing inherently wrong with playing videogames, it’s when gamers start to value the virtual world over the real one that problems arise.

Back when I lived in the dorms, my friends and I would set up weekly games in the lounges. Everyone would lug over their televisions and consoles and we’d get some eight-player Halo games going for hours on end. Other times we’d take advantage of the residence halls’ LAN connections and play computer games like Warcraft III and Counter-Strike. Every once in a while, someone would attempt to organize tournaments, inviting everyone on campus. All these activities were great because everyone would be interacting with each other during and between play sessions. We’d heckle, compare strategies and congratulate each other for a good game.

Online gaming services like Xbox LIVE changed that. Sure, online play existed years prior, but that was the distinction between playing on a computer and on a game system. The ability to play console games online also brought with it ranking systems and high-score boards. People are no longer playing for fun, but to prove they are higher up on a number scale. That encourages cheap tactics and quitting games mid-play to maintain a win-loss record. When you play with friends, you aren’t too focused on winning. They’re people you’ve played with countless times and so you’re likely familiar with their playing style. To keep game play from being repetitive, it becomes necessary to start experimenting with some unorthodox tactics. This in turn leads to even more hours of surprisingly fresh experiences.

One of the ironic benefits of online gaming is that it allows you to potentially play with anyone in the world. Because of that capability, my friends and I got lazy. Instead of meeting up at somebody’s place, we’d just call them up and play each other online from our respective rooms. It sure didn’t feel the same. You might as well be challenging an incredibly smart - or, in many cases, idiotic - virtual opponent.

The ultimate killer of a social life for an online gamer is the Massive Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game. There’s no way to be a casual MMORPG player. These games, like World of Warcraft (WoW), are designed to eat away at your life. They do it through the financial investment of the subscription fee, time consuming missions and the pseudo-community feel of playing with thousands of players in a single virtual environment. Don’t even get me started on the fucked up relationships that spawn between players.

There are some weird anomalies. My roommate Torrin at one point was one of the top 200 Warcraft III players on the West Coast. For that and other reasons, he was one of the first to get to play WoW and he’s been playing the game ever since. He would later go on to single-handedly destroy a guild of several dozen players in the game, even managing to make a grown Australian woman cry from halfway across the globe. Check out http://emodruid.ytmnd.com for evidence of her mental breakdown. It’s frightening, sad and funny at the same time. I can’t decide whether I should congratulate him for his accomplishments or tell him to get a life.

There’s no reason to shut yourself off if you want to get your game on. Take matters into your own hands. You don’t need Microsoft to set up a gaming event. If you’re going to game, invite people over or play at a friend’s place. Friends don’t let friends frag alone.

Daily Nexus columnist Mark Batalla assures you that the vibrating in your hands is from all the needler shots to the back.

I was skating to the office one Saturday afternoon when I noticed an event going on in Storke Plaza. I noticed it not because of the humongous outdoor tent, or the dense throng of attendees, but rather because of the delectable wafting smell of still warm catered food. I was down to my last few dollars in my bank account and wasn’t about to spend it on some overpriced burrito. I certainly wasn’t in the mood to eat more instant noodles. That’s when I, or at least my stomach, decided to crash my very first private event.

I scouted the party and saw all the telltale signs of an event just begging to be crashed: numerous access points, wandering guests, semi-formal wear and the most importantly, no nametags. I skated back to my place, put on some decent looking clothes and walked back to Storke Plaza. I didn’t bother to find out what the event was for. It could’ve been charity, a reunion, birthday party or a group showcasing the campus. I was there for food and food alone. I grabbed some coleslaw, mashed potatoes, some slices of ham and a couple sugar cookies. I followed behind a wandering couple before breaking away and heading to the office. Luckily I didn’t have to travel far between each destination.

My friend, Ryan, has more balls than I do. He’s managed to crash private parties for actor John Cleese and musicians Sarah Chang and Ashley Wass. These events are more heavily monitored than the outdoor gatherings I’ve managed to sneak into. There’s usually just one entry point, a guest list, formal attire and the bane of most crashers, a doorperson handing out nametags. Ryan got into the Cleese party by pretending to know another guest. He got into the other party by entering with a group of people that included Sarah Chang and Ashley Wass. Unfortunately, Ryan was asked to leave both parties mere minutes after entering by security, who with whom he had come. He left politely without making a scene.

I agree with Ryan’s actions after getting caught. Getting inside isn’t the problem; it’s keeping from getting kicked out. Crashing an event doesn’t hurt anyone; however, you are taking advantage of the unaware hosts, so at the very least you should have some tact and courtesy. I only go for the free food, but I’m sure there are more ways to get some fun out of it. I’ll leave that to your imagination.

UCSB hosts plenty of events throughout the year. There are even several that are open to the public but not necessarily advertised. The music program has several recitals throughout the year that culminate with an enticing table of hors d’oeuvres outside Geiringer Hall in the Music Building. There are also art exhibitions in the College of Creative Studies and the Art Building. The exhibitions in the Art Building are usually on Wednesday afternoons and even have wine available. Academic departments also host get togethers so the faculty and students can get to know each other better. Expect plenty of pizza from this type of event.

The easiest way to find out about an event is by keeping a close eye on Facebook events and the campus calendar. Even better would be to get in the habit of wandering campus on weekends, when these events usually take place. If you plan on crashing something more posh, make sure to keep a set of formal clothes at the ready. While you’re at it, get a marker and some index cards for a makeshift nametag. It certainly doesn’t hurt to get to know people on the inside as well. Face your back to security and look for a bathroom if you plan on spending a lot of time there. Stick nearby groups of people and keep up the composure that you belong there.

These social gatherings are meant to bring people together. As long as you don’t detract from that or stir up trouble, feel free to crash as many events as you want. My name is Mark Batalla and I’ll be seeing you at the next meeting.

Daily Nexus Art Director Mark Batalla never breaks rule #76 when crashing.

Not wanting or even needing to thrash Associated Students any further this week, I was without an idea for a column. So I went to the one place where I usually get most of my bright ideas - the bathroom. As I sat there on the typical low-grade toilet you find in every Isla Vista household, I realized that the answer was right under my nose.

Most people have plenty of gaps in their schedules and live close enough that they can save their bathroom trip for their residence. But sometimes you drink too much Naked Juice, Red Bull or beer between classes that a trip to the restroom is unavoidable. This entire week I’ve gone to many of the buildings on campus to see what they had to offer in terms of tile and porcelain. The range of construction and overall functionality between the restrooms pleasantly surprised me. You’ll have to forgive me if I only talk about the male restrooms.

Going for a quick wiz may not seem to require that much thought, but many of us guys require certain conditions like at least a separation of one urinal between each user. In this case it’s best to stay away from the restroom in the Arts Building. This restroom is constructed in such a way that the first thing a person sees upon entering is a side view of the urinals. The door also has an irritating tendency to remain open. With no wall separating the sinks and urinals, I suggest using the stalls unless you want passersby to get a glimpse of you draining the lizard. The Music Building on the other hand is better designed with its urinals perpendicularly arranged in relation to the entrance. However, the downside comes from the urinals themselves, which look like haphazard toilets. They are set relatively higher and filled with more water, making splash back more likely to occur.

Sometimes eating from Panda Express may cause the need for a doozy of a two-zie and there’s not enough time to get back to your home bathroom. For this reason I will forever remain envious of the campus toilets. Their industrial strength flushes and wide seating blow every other toilet out of the water. If I ever have enough money, I’m going to make sure to install one of those babies in my house.

Location isn’t as much of a problem with stalls since they are the same in every restroom I’ve been to. I suggest staying away from ones in Girvetz for a number of reasons. These restrooms get a lot of traffic from the classrooms within the building and from around the Arbor. At any given moment you’ll come across students, professors and random campus visitors. For some reason the glory holes in the stalls haven’t been repaired. It has also been used as a set location for several student films due to its roomy and well-lit design. There’s no reason to use Girvetz unless it’s an emergency.

I applaud the maintenance staff for doing a better job cleaning up graffiti than in previous years. However, I do miss the days of reading the pretentious preaching on the stalls and the various responses to them. I can simulate the experience by bringing my laptop into the stall and reading the UCSB LiveJournal community. But as much as I enjoy seeing Livejournal user “excom” tear the other posters a new one, it just doesn’t feel the same. Past graffiti classics include the “grout” jokes written on the Davidson Library bathrooms’ grout such as “The Grouter Limits,” “Grout Expectations” and “Oscar the Grout.” Additionally, I.V, Theater’s bathroom featured this amazing dialogue between two artists:

Artist #1: “I fucked your mom last night.”

Artist #2: “Dad, you’re drunk. Please go home.”

There are general trends that can be gleaned from my research. The fancier restrooms with waterless urinals and automated towel dispensers can be found in the newer buildings as well as around the UCen and Multicultural Center. If you want privacy, try using facilities on the higher floors of a building. Although fewer people use the restrooms while class is in session, the chances of coming across people having sex in a stall at this time are much higher, so be careful. Otherwise, I hope you enjoyed this shit.

Daily Nexus art director Mark Batalla takes his potty breaks seriously.

I once saw an episode of the Adventures of Pete & Pete that changed the way I looked at the world. Little Pete, frustrated at going to bed at 9 o’clock, gathered a bunch of friends together and attempted to break the world record for going the most days without sleep. All the fantastic occurrences the children witnessed after the sun went down inspired my curiosity and eventual love of the night. Ever since coming to this university, I haven’t found a better time to be nocturnal. With the more pleasant weather of Spring Quarter, staying up and out at night becomes all the more irresistible. So let me take a moment to tell you about something I’d like to call “the dark side of UCSB.”

I’m not talking about the parties or barhopping going on around Isla Vista and the surrounding area of Santa Barbara. I’m talking about an activity as simple as loitering around campus after dark. Once the sun goes down, the campus transforms into a completely different environment. Raccoons, skunks and other animals replace the spaces previously occupied by students. I’ve actually managed to catch stray dogs on two separate occasions while strolling past the lagoon. With only animals and the occasional wandering night crawler, it feels like the entire campus is at your disposal.

I can think of many interesting sights I happened to witness during my time here. Freshman year I sat at the edge of campus point with my date and we watched the lunar eclipse along with other curious stargazers. Sophomore year I stood with my friends on the beach near Manzanita Village and watched a spectacular offshore lightning storm silhouette the oilrigs on the horizon. While these events don’t happen every night, they’re certainly more interesting and less of an eyesore than the gauntlet of student groups I go by past the Arbor.

Speaking of eyesores, if you happen to be wandering campus this Sunday around midnight, you might bear witness to the annual construction of Associated Students election signs. Though they seem like nothing more than beer pong tables garishly painted over with bright colors and cheesy catch phrases, these makeshift structures accurately represent the facade that is student government. They signal the beginning of a paper storm that coats every free space on the walls of the university and I.V. Apparently this method of campaigning is preferred over reaching out to the constituents.

Unfortunately, there are worse things I stumble upon at night. I inevitably come into contact with students journeying back and forth from the residence halls to I.V. I was skating past the UCen during finals week when I noticed a strangely shaped sign next to the flower stand. I got off my board and realized that it was a student hunched over the ground. She didn’t respond to my shouts so I walked over to see if she was okay. She passed out on the floor just as I noticed the vomit hidden by the hair covering her face. Luckily, a couple Community Service Officers happened to ride by and they were able to help the girl out.

Still, witnessing the dark side of UCSB brings a better understanding of the campus. The eternal flame isn’t exactly eternally lit, the garbage trucks furiously take full advantage of the open driving area and a locked out student drunk off his ass will punch through a glass door to get back inside the dorm. I encourage anyone to give this nocturnal perspective a shot. You’ll encounter nuances about the university that you’d otherwise never see in the daytime.

Daily Nexus columnist Mark Batalla is our UCSB Batman, roaming the campus at night.

With the quarter coming to a close, I have to once again attempt to explain to my parents exactly what I’ve been doing as a film studies major. Each quarter has been a different description because film majors can be divided into several groups. There are coasters trying to finish with as little effort as possible who figure a major based predominantly around watching movies is the way to go, there are the film writers who take analysis and criticism seriously and there are the student filmmakers who actually go out and make movies.

For a good portion of my time in the major, I was one of the coasters. It was cool taking classes devoted to specific aspects of film history and theory but I didn’t feel motivated enough to try and excel at them. That pretty much changed after taking a couple courses geared toward film production taught by Dana Driskel.

I’ve been considering animation as a possible career after graduating so I first got to know Dana through his animation classes last year. I think it was probably Dana’s no-nonsense approach to teaching that convinced me to get more involved with film production. He knew what he was talking about and didn’t pull any punches when telling students what he thought of their work.

As Dana put it, “It’s easy to get a ‘C’ in one of my classes, but if you want a ‘B’, let alone an ‘A’, you’re going to have to do your best to impress me and earn it.” That statement pretty much hit home. I could either keep coasting or start taking myself seriously and better prepare myself for life after college. And so I switched over to being one of the filmmaking students within the major.

With my newfound interest in filmmaking, I decided to attend the pitch day for the FS 106 class back in September. The 106 class picks four pitches and gives student filmmakers two quarters to turn them into a movie to be screened at the end of Winter Quarter. They have access to Film Studies’ resources and aside from some guidance from Dana, the film crews have to take it upon themselves to finish their movies. I attached myself to the crew of “The Titan Sting,” one of this year’s four projects.

My experience with the 106 class - and specifically with “The Titan Sting” movie - has been simultaneously one of the most frustrating and fulfilling creative experiences of my life. Working long hours into the night, animating figures miniscule movement by miniscule movement has definitely taken its toll on my stress levels. Yet, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ve had a blast working with Adriana, J, Max and the rest of the crew because we all have the same passion for completing our film. I still find it hard to describe how it feels seeing our work come alive piece by piece over the year.

With the March 23 screening rapidly approaching, all of us on “The Titan Sting” and the other 106 crews are putting the final touches on our respective films. The end of the quarter will be a sigh of relief as we finally have the chance to sit back, relax and enjoy the filmmaking experience as a spectator while other students on campus view our hard work.

When I go home, I’ll finally have a definitive answer for when my parents ask me what I’ve been doing with their money. I’m tempted to give a pretentious “I make static images come to life,” but it will end up along the lines of “finally getting my life together and looking forward to the future.”

Daily Nexus columnist Mark Batalla will Titan Sting you with his sharp art.

A man appeared at the doorway of the office where I was working, appeared so suddenly and silently you’d have thought he’d just popped out of the ground. His eyes were light, bright and sparkling behind spectacles. This man’s name was Chancellor Henry T. Yang.

Many students only get a glimpse of Chancellor Yang either at their New Student Convocation or during their commencement ceremony. Some have taken his Mechanical Engineering class and yet others have unknowingly come across both the chancellor and his wife, Dilling, as they walk around Isla Vista on Halloween. The obvious reason for this being that he spends much of his time either in Cheadle Hall or traveling on UCSB-related issues.

This time, much like the other few times I’ve talked with Chancellor Yang, was completely out of the blue. Like clockwork I found that I had difficulty trying to have a regular conversation with him. It’s because I can never figure out whether to be intimidated by his authority or dumbstruck that he’s a person just like the rest of us. To this day I’m still amazed that he even knows who I am. I always figured the only students he would know are the ones he interacts with on a regular basis, such as members of Associated Students.

I’ve always wondered why so many people - especially Associated Students and their affiliated groups - come to Chancellor Yang to solve their problems. Why do activists inevitably end up storming Cheadle Hall, asking for his involvement in their causes? Why do they even need to personally meet with him in order to propose that Building 434 be used to house several A.S. entities and projects? You’d think their faith in UCSB’s bureaucratic process and raised awareness of issues would be enough to enact change. When it’s not, then it’s off to see the chancellor.

I wouldn’t blame them. Aside from Chancellor Yang’s actual position, he also has a pretty extensive background in other fields. He’s been involved in varying degrees with the U.S. Air Force, the U.S. Navy, the National Science Foundation, the National Academy of Engineering, the Defense Science Board and NASA. It’s amazing to even ponder the amount of influence this man potentially has and what he’s capable of accomplishing. When the Cedarwood tenants were evicted, Chancellor Yang helped start a fund for them. When a student and a professor were arrested at last week’s protest, Chancellor Yang went to the jail and quite possibly prevented the two from having to spend the night behind bars.

It’s difficult to describe the exact role Chancellor Yang plays in our lives as students. I’ve heard some describe him as UCSB’s biggest cheerleader. He passionately promotes the university with pride and attends away sports games when given the chance. I’ve also heard him described as the acting parent of the students. In some ways, he is. When looking for a responsible acting entity over the students, it’s easiest to look at the top. Not to take away from the accomplishments and responsibilities of the rest of the administration staff, but for better or worse, Chancellor Yang serves as the public face of UCSB.

The best way I can describe Chancellor Yang is that he’s Albus Dumbledore and we’re all mischievous students of Hogwarts. Although we rarely get a chance to see him, there is no doubt that he’s looking out for our best interest. He is, after all, even ready to magically transport himself back to Santa Barbara if need be. Who knows how much change Chancellor Yang could enact on the university and surrounding communities if he were so inclined? The fact that he doesn’t get directly involved every single time at least shows that he has some faith in our abilities. In a better world, there wouldn’t be a need for someone like Chancellor Yang. But until that happens, it’s comforting to know that there is still someone like him watching over us when things get really bad.

Daily Nexus columnist Mark Batalla hopes Chancellor Yang will not meet the same fate that Dumbledore may or may not have come to.

Remember back in the day when we used to sign up for classes just for the hell of it? Or how about joining sports for the fun of playing? Metal shop, home economics and beginners’ art may not have counted much towards graduating, but they certainly made high school more interesting. With pass times coming around, it’s time to start looking at the extracurricular possibilities UCSB has to offer.

Obvious ones include Sociology 152A, Human Sexuality, and Music 114, Music and Pop Culture. If you want something unique, I strongly recommend everyone to take Art Studio 7A, Art and Life, at some point before leaving UCSB. If you’ve ever wondered about all those students setting up weird displays on campus during Spring Quarter, this is the reason. Students are urged to adopt some sort of persona different from their normal self. As the quarter progresses, they take part in various projects meant to develop this persona. It all culminates in the outdoor installation project and the final exam where everybody shows up to lecture in character. It’s quite easily the most surreal experience you’ll ever have short of taking mind-altering chemicals.

There are also options outside of GOLD enrollment. The Recreation Center has a wide range of classes including sports, martial arts, dance and even wine tasting. These usually require a fee but, then again, the price you pay is considerably less than you would for textbooks anyways. The Rec Cen classes are more conveniently scheduled later in the day and on weekends. You won’t have to worry about having to go in and out of lecture while sweaty or carrying bulky sports equipment.

Take things a step further by getting some friends together and organizing an intramural sports team. My best memories of the various sports I’ve played weren’t related to scores. Instead, it was the chance to mess around in the face of competition. Be warned, the Nexus staff scrounges together a sports team every year. We’re there to have fun and anybody that keeps us from having a good time will get properly trounced.

For those looking for some old school sports, just head over to Storke Plaza some time. KCSB 9.19 FM’s DJ Fatkid, Maggie Muldoon and company are bringing recess back every Sunday through Thursday. If there aren’t any events going on around Storke Plaza, show up around noon for some pick up games of dodgeball, kickball, four square, etc. Join their group on Facebook to keep up to date.

Extracurriculars aren’t limited to classes in which you can enroll classes. Over the past couple of nights, I’ve been attending software workshops offered by Instructional Computing. They’re only about two hours long, so the workshops can’t possibly get into the intricacies of the various applications they’re about. However, I didn’t go to them expecting to learn everything. The workshops exist to help spark interest in their respective subject matter and on that front they succeed. There are other organizations like Cotillion Dance Club and Kapatirang Pilipino that also offer their own workshops. Just take a look at the campus calendar of events at http://events.sa.ucsb.edu for listings.

These activities may or may not help any of your requirements. That’s not the point. Students need to slow down and enjoy college at a leisurely pace. For the amount of money we pay for tuition, we should participate in these opportunities while they’re right in front of us. If you think it’s hard finding time for extracurricular activity now, imagine what it would be like in the nine-to-five world.

Daily Nexus columnist Mark Batalla is a kickball all-star.

I usually spend my Monday nights watching half-naked men beat the hell out of each other on WWE Monday Night Raw. This week I opted to attend the Sex Workers’ Art Show in the MultiCultural Center. Sitting there in the densely packed, dimly lit theater made me realize something. When it comes to sexuality, which I would like to differentiate from sexual activity, we should all count ourselves lucky for attending UCSB.

Last Monday certainly wasn’t my first experience around sex workers and I doubt it will be my last. As for the rest of the audience, they responded enthusiastically to each performer. Being surrounded by other people interested in learning more about sexuality in a mature manner made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Was this what it feels like to be sexually empowered? Enlightened? Whatever it was, it certainly felt good.

Each successive performer brought back notable memories I’ve had at this university in regards to sexuality. Starting as early as freshman orientation in Campbell Hall, the audience was treated to a demonstration of proper condom use. I saw the display for what it was - a lesson in sexual responsibility rather than a signal for promiscuity, as the person next to me thought. From that moment I knew this campus had something special going for it.

Last year, Playboy published an issue containing several UCSB students. Days afterward there was a screening of “Porn Nation” in Corwin Pavilion, a multimedia presentation discussing the negative aspects of pornography. Finally, during the same quarter, a student could enroll in a Film and Media Studies Pornography Genre class. Professor Constance Penley, one of the most notable researchers of pornography, lectures the class every year. That juxtaposition of events and perspectives doesn’t just happen anywhere.

The Daily Nexus serves as another example. Many people take for granted the existence of the Wednesday Hump. Complaints this year range from objection over the use of the word “butt-slut” to over 300 criticisms concerning Jenny Paradise’s authority to write about cunnilingus on fark.com. These people need to realize Jenny had the rare opportunity to join other collegiate sex columnists around the nation for a roundtable discussion with Dr. Drew. She’s been kind enough to write every week, not to uphold a strict approach to sex, but rather to promote more dialogue about sexuality.

There isn’t a single definitive way to experience sexuality in UCSB. That’s how it should be. Taking Sociology 152 is a good start for many students. The course includes a wide range of topics while spending enough time to help address various sexual myths and questions many students have. Students can also choose to talk with UCSB’s own Sex and Relationship Interns for more specific and personal issues. From there people can branch out to other classes in Women’s Studies or Queer Studies. There are also organizations like Students Stopping Rape and Take Back the Night that are committed to making UCSB safer from sexual crimes.

That being said, it’s also unfortunate that not enough people make use of the resources and events they come across. A relatively tame sex life or even one of abstinence shouldn’t excuse a person from learning about sex and sexuality. There is no acceptable justification for ignorance. UCSB already has a notorious reputation in regards to sexual activity. While a more knowledgeable grasp of sexuality might not eradicate sexual crime, it’s certainly a step in the right direction.

Daily Nexus columnist Mark Batalla accidentally taped over his porn tape with Monday Night Raw, and coincidentally, he did not have to change the label on his VHS tape.

Last Wednesday afternoon, El Congreso decided to hold a town meeting to discuss the offensive nature of the Daily Nexus toward campus diversity. I walked into the theater expecting an honest dialogue. Unfortunately, it didn’t take long for the meeting to degenerate into an emotional blame fest. In retrospect, it’s easy to see why.

Holding the event in the Multicultural Center Theater might have seemed symbolic, but I believe a better venue could have been chosen. Thousands of students plus any other residents in the area would potentially have attended a true town meeting had it been held in either I.V. Theater or Embarcadero Hall. Instead, only a few dozen people showed up. Half of them were from the Nexus staff and they hadn’t received any formal invitation to the event. Among the remaining dozens of attendees, only the same six or so individuals spoke out. How can I take the meeting seriously if there weren’t enough people to fill the relatively small MCC Theater?

As for the speakers themselves, I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. As more time passed, the meeting became less of an opportunity to offer constructive criticism as a chance for some to blame the Nexus for their personal failures and offended morals.

One individual brought up how humiliating it felt to see a Conquest advertisement after spending thousands of hours fighting that company. To me, this is tantamount to a religious right activist complaining about an advertisement for a UCSB lecture on evolution. I’m sure it doesn’t make them feel good either, but what gives them the right to prevent other people from being exposed to it? A newspaper running an advertisement does not negate a group’s entire cause. Any individual that feels that way should reconsider being an activist. There are far worse obstacles to a cause than a passive advertisement, especially one regarding their activities.

Another person felt she was wronged because her response to an offending column did not run. She pointed out two days later that a similar response ran, but from a white student. Her letter didn’t get printed so she blames it on racism. First of all, how did she know the writer was white? Second, why does it matter? Third, if another writer feels the exact same way, shouldn’t she be glad that other people agree with her viewpoint? Instead, her argument became a matter of pride.

Eventually complaints also boiled down to matters concerning the Weatherhuman’s edgy sense of humor, opinion articles and advertisements. Again, these are valid complaints, but targeting the editorial staff for these offenses is misguided. How hard is it to understand that there is a separation between news coverage, opinion articles and advertisements? The editorial staff abstains from censoring opinions in order to ensure everyone’s right to free speech and maintain an open forum. A newspaper cannot have journalistic integrity if it segregates or censors such material. It would further be impossible to determine the moral compass that guides these decisions. Each individual is offended by a different subject matter and may not represent the viewpoint of the rest of the community.

The only nugget of constructive criticism that could be gleaned from the event was the complaint that the Nexus should cover more cultural events around campus as opposed to say, Pike Fraternity’s Fight Night. That was an honest critique that certainly carries merit and can be worked on by the staff.

I commend El Congreso for setting up the dialogue, but it still left much to be desired. It wasn’t the organizer’s fault that the meeting was close to a complete waste of time. The poor turnout and even poorer vocal representation did not resolve any issues. The meeting had the best of intentions, but then again, when have the best intentions gotten anything done? Hopefully in the future, more productive dialogues can exist between the newspaper and the readers.

Daily Nexus columnist Mark Batalla takes to heart what you say.

UCSB is one of the most politically active campuses in the state. However, I see some of the activists we have on campus and can’t help but suspect them of having ulterior motives. The specific organization is irrelevant because it can apply to any of them.

While there are some activists who truly care for the causes they have invested in, others use these issues to further inflate their egos. These characters are the ones who are simply motivated by their desire to garner attention and publicity for themselves. These people not only want to be the hero who saves the day, they also want everyone else to acknowledge it.

I despise these political mongers and attention whores, not just for their hypocrisy, but for the damage that they bring upon these important social issues. These phonies and their continued presence within an organization devalue the cause of other organizations. These people shift the focus away from an ideal so they can gain notoriety. Some are even willing to go so far as to martyr themselves to achieve their goals. But what happens when these people don’t get their Tiananmen Square or their Kent State? Will they continue pursuing their cause with the same passion or give up on it completely? Is a cause any less relevant just because it doesn’t lead to some climactic battle between good and evil?

This phenomenon isn’t limited to the local level. It can be extrapolated to a wide range of situations. Think about the Bush administration’s continued insistence on military presence in Iraq, or even Madonna’s attempt to adopt a Malawian child. Are their motives genuine or have they solely taken up their causes because they desire praise?

To be honest, I myself am not currently involved with any activist groups because I don’t believe that I have the true concern necessary to resolve some of our society’s most pressing issues. Still, I don’t think that makes me a selfish, uncaring villain. On the contrary, it means that I’m trying to remain genuine to myself and to others.

The closest I’ve come to becoming an activist was when I signed up to be an International Student Volunteer. I did so because I wanted to tour Australia rather than help conserve the indigenous wildlife. I know I wasn’t the only person, since I talked to several other volunteers who felt the same way. I came back feeling the same way about wildlife conservation as I did prior to my stay in Australia. However, that’s not to say I didn’t come away with a different outlook on life. What differentiates me from the phonies I’m writing about is that I was completely aware of my stance and didn’t pretend to feel otherwise. Many phonies have been active for so long that they are in denial of their insincerity.

I am not going to point out the specific people I suspect of being dishonest. I do hope, however, that the activists reading this column can take a moment to determine their exact motivations.

Take this insightful quote I got from “Futurama”: “If you do things right, people won’t be sure you’ve done anything at all.” If you feel comfortable with not being recognized for your actions, if you don’t care that your cause isn’t tomorrow’s headline and if you don’t mind being on the losing side of a fight, then perhaps there’s still hope for you.

During his trip, Daily Nexus columnist Mark Batalla learned that his previous notions of Australia, as molded by early ’90s Nickelodeon programming, were untrue: Koalas do not, in fact, have magical powers.

Daily Nexus columnist Mark Batalla will make a quirky pun at his graduation regarding his diploma and a copy of 1994’s “With Honors.”

It’s the most wonderful time of the year because flu season is upon us. Go find the nearest contagious mouth. Then you should either give that person a nice wet kiss or inhale the sweet air being exhaled from their infected lungs.

Flu season sickness is like the golden ticket of diseases. At best, the symptoms are merely coughing, sneezing and a runny nose. At its worst, flu season includes headaches and stomach pains that cause a person to be bedridden for a couple of days. But, it’s not the symptoms that make getting sick so special but rather the opportunities that they provide.

As if anybody needed another excuse to miss class, getting sick presents a legitimate reason to be absent. Even with midterms, sickness is a great tool. Keep prospective cheaters away from your answers with a nice, hoarse cough and refuse to wipe your nose on anything other than your forearms and hands. On the flipside, cheaters can use similar tactics to get a quick peek at some answers or notes. I’ve done both and they work perfectly well, especially since half the class is doing the same thing. If you aren’t down with cheating, then try asking for extensions on assignments. Most professors and teaching assistants are cool enough as it is and will let you slide for an additional week.

Has somebody been getting on your nerves lately? Then it’s time to get all Typhoid Mary on their ass. Take every chance possible to breathe, cough and sneeze on them or their belongings. Then laugh as they slowly progress down the infected route you went through mere days earlier. What are they going to do to you? Make you even sicker? If the Cold War has taught me anything, it’s that it all comes down to the pre-emptive strike. The sooner you get sick, the sooner you get better. You don’t want to get stuck trying to fight the more resistant mutant strains of germs found toward the tail end of flu season.

Use germ warfare as leverage to get your way. Tell people to shut off their god-awful music. Take full control over the thermostat and the room window. Prevent yourself from getting sexiled. Once you get better, you can dismiss your asshole behavior by attributing it to the sickness.

Sometimes it isn’t necessary to be so aggressive. People tend to feel sorry for the sick. They’ll be willing to get food and take notes for you. Last year, I suggested to my roommate that he sleep in the living room if he didn’t want to get sick. He agreed, and to my surprise he enjoyed sleeping in the living room so much that he stayed there. All of a sudden, I had a bedroom for two all to myself for the rest of the year! It works best when you’re at your frailest, so take it easy on the Theraflu before asking for a favor.

However, that leads to the best reason to get sick, which is the excuse to ingest yummy cold and flu “medicine.” Halls cough drops come in a variety of delectable flavors that put Jolly Ranchers to shame. Then there’s Vicks Nyquil, or as Lewis Black calls it, “the moonshine of medicine.” It’s already got a higher proof than malt liquor, but add a splash of bourbon or whiskey and it transforms into a magically potent trip to high heaven. You’ll certainly be the envy of many if you’re lucky enough to get prescription strength materials.

The best thing about colds and flus is that you’ll eventually get better, so make sure to take advantage of flu season. You can get sick any time of the year; but how many times is it considered acceptable to infect, bitch out or make others feel sympathetic to your condition? It’s like chicken pox, PMS and pregnancy all rolled into one. Get up. Come on. Get down with the sickness.

Daily Nexus Art Director Mark Batalla is a little Disturbed this week.

Like most students here, I’m finding it harder and harder to get some leisure time. Trying to juggle lecture, discussion, lab, midterms, papers and a job has gotten me on edge. Wait, no, that’s a lie. I only go to class if there’s an exam. I only do my assignments the night before they’re due. I only exert the smallest amount of effort to receive a passing grade. I’m actually having the time of my life. But I do recall how it felt like many years ago when I still gave a shit.

People stress out because they can’t fit anything fun into their hectic schedules. How can a person get plastered with friends if they’re too busy trying to figure out how to make a computer program solve the Towers of Hanoi? There’s a simple answer to that. Do something impulsive. With so much stuff to do in one day, the only time to have fun is in short spurts. Impulsive activities can last anywhere from a couple seconds to a couple minutes.

When’s the last time you’ve done something crazy and impulsive? I’m talking about when you’re stone sober. Think it’s fun unraveling the mystery of last night’s blackout? That doesn’t even compare to the thrill of doing something and realizing the possible consequences seconds after the fact.

The trick is learning to spot the most opportune moment to act. Is there a parked bike blocking your entrance to the bike path? Kick it out of the way. It was illegally parked in the first place. Is one of your roommates trapped by a faulty bedroom door? Kick that sucker down. Tell the landlord it’s their fault for having such a craptastic door. Unsightly tents on the Pardall corridor? Kick them down as well.

If there aren’t any people around, my personal favorite activity is lying down on my skateboard and going head first down the hill near the lagoon. If there are people walking on a path, I skate down and intentionally try to plow into a person from behind. Most people are aware enough of their surroundings to get out of the way. The unlucky few learn a valuable life lesson. I’ve rammed into plenty of girls from behind and surprisingly enough, they were the ones who were apologetic.

You don’t even have to be the one to initiate the impulsive activity. Just the other day one of my co-workers suggested a session of traying in Storke Plaza. That’s when you take two trays and use them as skates over a smooth, pebbly surface.

“Sounds like an activity that can potentially injure me. I’m down. Hell, let’s get a photographer to take pictures.”

After a couple successful rounds, we added a bike and an extension cord and upgraded to tray-skiing. After that we replaced the trays with a skateboard. Suffice to say, hilarity ensued as Assistant County Editor David Ferry found himself thrown twelve feet off his board and nearly cracked his head open on a staircase. Even though he almost died, we can still look at the photos of the event and laugh our asses off.

I’d be lying if I said being impulsive isn’t dangerous. But that’s not the point. You’ve got to learn to take pleasure from the little things in life, like accomplishing an act you haven’t properly thought out. The crazier, the better. If you can enjoy life in these short bursts, then imagine how much fun you can have when you aren’t busy worrying about schoolwork.

Daily Nexus Art Director Mark Batalla is going to be in a world of hurt the next time he tries to pull a stunt like this.

Isla Vista. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. At its best, it can be heaven on Earth. At its worst, it can literally kill you. It all depends on how quickly a person can adapt to this unforgiving environment. The learning curve for this microcosm of the human condition can be quite high. Unfortunately, most of us that have lived here long enough have grown too apathetic to care about the newbies. As an act of pity, but mostly so there’s less of you I have to deal with, I’ll offer some advice on how to get by.

I can’t possibly explain every single nuance about I.V., so I’ll point out several of the most obvious, yet continuously overlooked, sources of trouble to watch out for. The first one is an altered state of mind. I personally think that everyone has a right to eat, drink, smoke, snort or shoot up whatever the hell they want. What happens to them is their own responsibility. Problems only pop up when someone under the influence starts interacting with other people. Results run the gamut from hilarious bloopers to painful misunderstandings. Those anti-drug campaigns warn about the consequences of using, and show all the possible ways to say “no.” They’ve done everything except for the most important thing. They don’t tell you how to react around others when they are under the influence. Your best bet is to treat them like a force of nature. Simply keep a safe distance away and don’t let your guard down.

A second source of trouble is something I like to call the “summer school phenomenon.” Back in my teenage days in the Valley, I attended what was quite possibly the largest high school in the district. Due to its immense size, students from all over the county gravitated toward it. Fights would break out most frequently between people that didn’t know each other. Yet none of that compared to over the summer, when students from about a dozen high schools converged on the only one in the area open for the season.

In I.V., you replace high school students with the not necessarily more mature UCSB students, SBCC students, SB natives and the ever-changing roster of out-of-towners. By now, you should know how people from varying area codes differ from one another. If you don’t, then the Nexus’ “Golden State Blues” columnist C.K. Hickey hasn’t been doing his job. Considering the sudden spike in population density during the start of each school year, the chances one has of finding conflict in I.V. are quite high indeed. Just remember that you’re as foreign to them as they are to you. I’m also aware that the “summer school phenomenon” is a misnomer, so don’t bother pointing it out.

That brings me to the last source of trouble. There are plenty of wise-ass freshmen and transfers that think they can get away with anything. They erroneously believe that they know what they’re doing. Despite how intelligent paper and ink claim them to be, book smarts won’t do them as much good in I.V. as logic and wisdom. Book smarts certainly don’t correlate at all with the lifestyle of newfound freedom that students experience here. An engineer and a communications major are equally likely to act like morons if they aren’t fully aware of city laws, party fouls or even common decency. It’s ironic because the new guys have the hardest time adjusting here, and it’s mostly a result of their own actions. Adapting can be as easy as asking a question or watching from a distance. Since firsthand experience is still the most straightforward way to learn, it’s best to take things one step at a time. Don’t get too rowdy until you understand the way I.V. works.

It’s easy to consider I.V. a degenerate cesspool of morons and druggies. That’s a shame because there’s certainly more to this town than reveling in excess. I.V. could be safe and laidback if the residents allowed it to be. Anyone that lives here over the summer can attest to that. Until that happens, it’s best to learn the ropes and pass that knowledge on to someone else.

Daily Nexus columnist Mark Batalla once tried to form a band called The Summer School Phenomenon, but his dream dissipated after several fights broke out in his garage.

Student government is a joke. Not because of its irresponsible actions, though I’m sure somebody can point out examples, but rather because of Associated Students’ lack of attempts to inform the student body on how their government works.

I’ve been going to this university for a long time and I still have only the most rudimentary knowledge of the way A.S. works. What most people think of when it comes to A.S. is brightly colored shirts, retardedly large campaign signs and a handful of events courtesy of the Program Board. It’s basically high school all over again. I’ve talked to enough students already to know.

Obviously, that’s not a fair representation of the hardworking people we voted for. They organize activities concerning social issues and deal with menial bureaucratic tasks, like funding student organizations, that no one else is willing to do. But how are students to know? Sure, A.S. has a functional website, an obese constitution and is frequently reported on in Nexus news articles, but honestly, who has time to keep up by reading each and every one of these sources?

The best way is to get information straight from the horse’s ass, or mouth. I doubt the average A.S. officer or student has enough time for a one-on-one conference, but the organization as a whole could do a better job of keeping students up-to-date. Hell, it could be as simple as writing a regular column for the Nexus opinions section. As much as I admire my coworkers’ reporting on Finance Board and Legislative Council, it’s still an outsider’s point of view. I would appreciate it even more if somebody that’s actually in A.S. writes in with his or her perspective.

Take a look at Mark Signa and his “Question Authority” column. Not everyone may respect the presence or opinion of the law in Isla Vista, but at least he tries to inform students on what they’re doing wrong and how to prevent trouble. A.S. needs to do something similar. People may question their integrity, but at least this way they can understand A.S. reasoning. Looking through the Nexus archives, I discovered that many years ago there were people in A.S. willing to dedicate time every week to submit a column. Would it be that hard to find someone willing to tell it as it is?

It seems like the only time A.S. writes in is when they either have an agenda they want people to vote for or they’re reacting to some article or staff editorial that somehow offends their precious ideals. Well, it’s almost time to vote on GOLD, and the Nexus staff delivered their editorial on Wednesday. I can almost feel the collective rage of A.S. as they prepare for this year’s opening salvo. At the same time, I know that once voting is over and their passion dies down, we’ll hear nary a peep from them once again.

I challenge A.S. to write in to the Nexus on a long-term basis. I want somebody to take that extra step to explain the various intricacies of our student government. Sure, it’s possible for anybody to look up this information online, but doesn’t A.S. also have the responsibility to keep its constituents informed? We, as students, need to be interested and knowledgeable about the issues and organizations that affect us.

If A.S. needs to find a reason to write in every week, I’m more than willing to fire them up. I’m calling all you A.S.-holes out. Know your role and shut your damn mouth about how the Nexus is misrepresenting your rudy-poo asses. OPP, SP, SAC, SUN, WB, UPN, CW, I don’t care what you clowns want to call yourselves. You might as well break a bottle over my head because those preschool posters and wooden signs don’t convey your intentions in any intelligible way. You’ve got 700 words to get your message across. If you fail something as simple as that, then you don’t deserve to be at this university. And if you’re not down with that, then I’ve got two words for you: raise awareness.

Daily Nexus art director Mark Batalla could really use an A.S. hug right now, or at the very least an A.S. finger snap of approval.

Ever find a person on campus or in I.V. who deserved a good, old punch to the face? I know I’ve met my fair share. They could be friends or co-workers, but most likely they’re strangers that you’ll never see again. Not knowing a person is what makes starting a fight so easy and, at the same time, so dangerous.

Not too long ago, I found a dog running around the lagoon without its owner in sight. After I caught the pooch, I called the number on his collar. While waiting for the owner to call back, I fed him, walked him and pretty much treated him like my own pet. When I finally got a call from the owner, I returned the dog.

As I was about to leave, one of the owner’s friends called me an asshole for keeping the dog on a leash. Was he joking around? Was he just drunk off his ass? How the hell was I supposed to tell if I don’t know the guy? Whatever the case, I haven’t felt like punching somebody in the face that strongly in a very long time. He was even leaning back on his chair. All I had to do was poke his sloped forehead and he’d fall over backwards. It felt like a “Keeping it Real” sketch on the “Chappelle’s Show.” I chose to ignore my sadistic tendencies and walked away. I didn’t know the guy and I wasn’t going to end one of my few altruistic streaks by starting a fight on somebody else’s property. I also considered the fact that I was outnumbered.

How about earlier this week with outspoken evangelist and human target, John Franklin? It wasn’t the first time he had come to campus with his ridiculous banner and it probably won’t be the last. This year some wise guy threw a smoothie at him. It might’ve seemed harmless at the time[[,]] but how much longer before someone gets really angry and actually punches Franklin in the face?

To some people, fights in Santa Barbara seem as random and explosive as a landmine. Yet, the actual violence isn’t what makes a fight so distressing. Sure, a person can potentially be injured to the point of brain damage or worse, but what’s truly sad about much of the violence is that it could’ve been prevented. Fights don’t just detonate out of nowhere. They result from ever-escalating tension between individuals. Everyone has a choice before a fight breaks out.

However, when strangers get into a conflict, it becomes increasingly harder to back down. If you’re personally involved, don’t wait for the other person. Simply walk away. If you see your friend in a similar situation, get them out of there. Since you don’t know the other person, you can’t tell how confrontational they’re willing to get. Some people like to get their buddies involved while others go straight for a weapon. Winning the fight isn’t any better either. You just might find yourself at the mercy of the law. Better to contemplate what could’ve been, rather than the consequences of your actions in a jail cell.

This isn’t some sappy pacifist message I’m dealing out. I could care less about being a bigger man or choosing the righteous path away from the dark side. I come from the San Fernando Valley. While I wouldn’t consider it the most ghetto of places to live, people nonetheless get shot or stabbed simply for looking at someone the wrong way or for hanging out at the wrong place. Fighting someone because they spilled beer on you, hit on your date or made fun of your clothes isn’t any better.

It doesn’t matter how hard the I.V. Foot Patrol cracks down on offenders with their “Fall Orientation” or how many more websites pop up discrediting the Isla Vista lifestyle. None of them provide any lasting solutions. The only way to deal with the violence is to take responsibility for it.

Daily Nexus Art Director Mark Batalla will leave your dog out to die in the wilderness the next time you lose your pooch, you ungrateful ass.